Monday, February 13, 2006

Movie Previews: 2006

I had originally planned to write a look back at the movies of 2005 but that never really got off the ground. So, instead, I thought we’de take a look forward to what’s coming to our local cinemas in 2006, and a sneak peak at 2007 too. This is by no means a comprehensive list of every release in the coming year. I’ve gone through month by month, and week by week, and picked out the films that have caught my interest, I doubt I’ll get to see them all, and I’ll probably end up seeing a few films that aren’t on the list.

2006 Movie Preview

February

17th

Aeon Flux

This live action adaptation of the classic MTV commissioned cartoon doesn’t look like it’s going to live up to the original. It stars Charlize Theron, who I’ve never been a big fan of. Of course, going in with low expectations means that I’m certainly not going to be disappointed.

Casanova

Ok, I’ll admit that the only reason I want to see this is for Sienna Miller, but, then, my wife wants to see it for Heath Ledger, so we’re fairly even. Maybe it’ll be good, but, hey, who cares, it’s Sienna Miller.

24th

Date Movie

At the risk of sounding totally shallow, my main reason for wanting to see this Alyson Hannigan. But, it is written and directed by two of the six writers of Scary Movie, and the trailers look fairly funny, so we’ll see.

Seven Swords

This is a 17th century Chinese epic about a village who seek the help of a master swordsman and his disciples after the martial arts are banned by the ruling Ching Dynasty. Likely to be one of those blink and you’ll miss it foreign films at your local multiplex but looks well worth a watch.

March

3rd

Mirrormask

By “comicbook genius Dave McKean” according to the BBC’s website (it’s written by Neil Gaiman…), this follows a 15 year old girl’s fairytale quest for the Mirrorwask. From Henson Productions….Gaiman….Henson…now this has to be worth watching.

10th

Evil Aliens

British comedy horror set on a remote Welsh island…definitely one to see with the brother-in-law rather than the wife.

17th

V for Vendetta

Long awaited big screen version of Alan Moore’s graphic novel starring Natalie Portman. I confess, I haven’t read it, although I’m surprised that this has made it to the screen before Watchmen.

The Pink Panther

Why have I included this on the list? I grew up with my dad constantly quoting the original and Steve Martin is playing with fire by trying to step into Sellers’ shoes. Could be truly awful.

She’s The Man

Another in a long line of Hollywood teen movies that are updates of Shakespeare plays. This time it’s Twelfth Night and Amanda Bynes stars as a girl and her brother.

31st

Slither

New film directed by the writer of Dawn of the Dead. A virus transform those infected into monsters. Hopefully another great zombie-style horror flick.

Yours, Mine and Ours

Imagine Cheaper by the Dozen with six more children meets The Brady Bunch, only the kids don’t get on and…oh god…why? What’s next? A family with 50 children? Totally, totally wrong. So…uh….why should you watch it? Danielle Panabaker, from Sky High. ‘Nuff said.

April

7th

Ice Age 2: The Meltdown

The first Ice Age movie was a surprise hit, and, I must say, my kids absolutely loved it. Hopefully this will recapture some of the magic of the first film, but, even if it’s rubbish, I’m sure it’ll amuse my kids again.

Alien Autopsy

Ant & Dec make their big screen debut. Seems to be a bit of an X-Files spoof. Only a decade late, then, lads.

14th

Scary Movie 4

We have a strange kind of affection for the Scary Movie series in our house. This one is likely to be just as bad/good as the others.

21st

American Dreamz

Hugh Grant does Simon Cowell in this American political satire from the director of About A Boy. Whatever you think of him, Hugh’s always great.

28th

Flight 93

I don’t want to see this, but I’m intriqued. The first (of many) movies based on the events of 9/11. Likely to be a pro-establishement piece supporting the official story of what happened. So…a total work of fiction like most Hollywood films.

Fearless

Jet Li in a biopic of a Chinese martial arts master. What’s not to love about this?

Tristan & Isolde

A medieval romance in the mold of Romeo and Juliet. One to take the girl/woman in your life to.

May

5th

Mission Impossible III

Gah…Tom Cruise is evil….I’m boycotting this!

12th

Aquamarine

Teenage girls find a mermaid. I reckon this is going to be one of the surprise hits of 2006. People love mermaids. 2006 is going to be the year of the mermaid.

19th

The DaVinci Code

Hmmm, surely everyone’s read this? I’ve got no idea how they can turn this book into a film well. Every line of dialogue in the novel is followed by about eight pages of exposition. So, the film will either make no sense to someone who hasn’t read the book, or will bear no resemblance to the book whatsoever. I didn’t like the book that much anyway. It’s very silly, and too many annoying people have confused it with non-fiction.

26th

X-Men 3

Yay! Woohoo! At last! The summer finally arrives with the movie we’ve all been waiting for. Finally we get to see The Beast, Angel and, most importantly, Kitty Pryde on the big screen. With a new director and the general stigma attached to second sequels, this film is going to have a lot to prove. But it has Kitty, so who cares! (The list of good sequels keeps growing, so that there’s no longer such a stigma attached to any movie with a “2” next to…but can anyone give me a list of good “3” movies?).

Thief Lord

Based ona children’s novel by Cornelia Funke. I’ve not read it but my wife has and she loved it.

The Wild

Cgi fun with voices by Keifer Sutherland and Eddie Izzard. At last another film to take the kids to! It’s only when you have kids that you realise just how few kids films are actually released. It’s especially frustrating when you have small kids like me (4 and 2). The only kids films released last Christmas were Harry Potter and Narnia, neither of which were appropriate for my kids. So, you may hate this kind of family fayre, but some of us rely on it!

June

2nd

Poseidon

Another film for the wife. The Poseiden Adventure is one of her favourite films and hopefully this remake will be just as good.

Things To Do Before You’re 30

I had to include this Billie Piper starring Brit-com in the list for one simple fact – it’s released almost exactly a month before I turn 30 myself! Gulp!

9th

Omen 666

Hollywood continues to tread old group, particularly in the horror genere, with this remake of the first Omen film. Released, predictably, on the 6th of the 6th 2006. The idea of people preventing the end of the world seems just as absurd to me as the Christian right actively working to bring it about. But, still, should be good for a laugh and will outrage the fundamentalists, which is always a good thing.

16th

Nothing good coming out this week, perfect opportunity to take your loved one out to dinner instead of seeing a film to head off those “I’m fed up with going to the cinema” complaints.

23rd

The Benchwarmers

Rob Schneider ina film from the director of Happy Gilmore. An adam Sandler cameo is pretty much a certainty. Three no-hopers (surprise!) form a three man baseball team and take on kids. Um…yeah. Turn your brain off and enjoy.

The Lake House

Why did I include this?!? It stars Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves and a magic letterbox. Um…yeah…could be…oh…god…no…it’s going to be awful. I’ll probably end up seeing it anyway though.

30th

Over The Hedge

More CGi animals! Yay! Kids love ‘em, god bless. This time they sound a lot like Bruce Willis and Jim Carey. Woot!

Ultraviolet

The sleeper hit of 2006. Milla Jovovich plays a futuristic vampire in this classy sci-fi romp. If you liked Underworld and Resident Evil then you’re going to love this. (And if you didn’t like them then what’s wrong with you?). This one will come out of nowhere to be a smash hit (you heard it here first).

July

7th

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Johnny Depp, Keira Knightly, Pirates of the Caribbean. Everyone is going to go see this, it doesn’t need me to tell you how great the first film was. It’s like a religion for my wife, she’s forever lending out our DVD of the first film to anyone who hasn’t seen the light (ok…the movie) yet.

14th

Superman Returns

Technically a sequel to Superman 2, Bryan Singer turned down X-Men 3 to direct the Man of Steel’s return to the big screen. Still, I guess we shouldn’t really hold that against him. This can’t really fail to be good, can it? The question is can Singer make the physical embodiement of truth, justice and the American way appeal to a wider world that’s increasingly falling out of love with the U.S. of A.?

21st

Stormbreaker

This is being billed as a spy version of Harry Potter (although, I hate thosesort of comparisons…it’s based on a children’s book…so it has to be compared to Harry Potter…sigh). With Ewan McGregor, Bill Nighy and Alicia Silverstone on board we’ve at least got a great cast, but it’ll live or die on the strengths of its teenage lead.

The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift

While I could take or leave the first film, I really enjoyed the second. It should have the requisite number of stupidly fast, stupidly modded cars and being set in Tokyo we can expect even more guady neon lights than before.

28th

Cars

Pixar finally release their follow up to the smash hit that was The Incredibles with this movie about talking cars. I’ll be honest, I know almost nothing about this, but I own every other Pixar film on DVD, I love them, my kids love them, this’ll be great.

August

4th

Ant Bully

Someone thought it would be a good idea to release a CGi toon movie at the same time that Pixar have one out. Someone at this studio needs a good kick in the head. Ant Bully may be brilliant, but no-one is going to go and see it, they’ll all be watching Cars. Stupid…..stupid… And I bet there’ll be nothing for my kids at Christmas again…

11th

Nacho Libre

Jack Black, Mexican Wrestling, Catholic Priest. ‘Nuff said…

Super Ex-Girlfriend

The furthern we get into the year the more obscure the films get. In this film Uma Thurman plays a super-hero who breaks up with her boyfriend. That’s the premise. That’s it, right there. I have no idea….

18th

Sin City 2

Why have I not seen Sin City yet? Surely that’s some kind of crime in and of itself? Anyway, I love the Frank Miller series, absulutely groundbreaking. I have to see the first film…this second is likely to be just as good. No struggling to come up with new ideas for a sequel here…

Lady in the Water

As I said, 2006 is the year of the mermaid, and now M. Night Shyamalan does mermaids. Presumably with a twist. Let’s see if we can all figure out what the twist is before we actually see the movie this time…

25th

Another break in the schedule with nothing good on. Treat the wife/girlfriend/whatever to a nice meal out to head off those accusation that you never want to do anything but go to the cinema.

September

1st

DOA

Can this really be a movie version of the popular beat ‘em up game featuring girls with impossibly large breasts and skimpy costumes? Can it really be starring Holly Valance? Apparently so. The mind boggles.

8th

Nothing again! You might not want to take your partner out for a meal again so soon, so make the most of the last days of Summer and drive to the coast and enjoy fish and chips by the sea. Or maybe take a disposable barbecue and cook some sausages on the beach.

15th

Southland Tales

The Rock, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Kevin Smith and Miranda Richardson in a musical thriller set in the near future from the director of Donnie Darko. No, I’m not making this up.

Talladega Nights: the ballad of Ricky Bobby

Will Ferrell reworks the Anchorman magic but this time with NASCAR…and Ali G.

22nd

The Visiting

Nicole Kidman in yet another remake of Invasion of the Bodysnatchers. Surely there are other films to remake. Still, it’s a classic.

29th

Rise

Revenge/Undead film starring Lucy Lui. Again, I’m not making this up, these are real films.

Click

Adam Sandler finds a mystical remote control with which he can fast forward and rewind his life. Comedy co-starring Kate Beckinsale. Sandler’s always funny, Beckinsale is always sexy. Not to be missed.

October

6th

The Reaping

Hillary Swank plays a professional debunker who visits a town in texas suffering from the ten biblical plagues. I’m starting to think that Hollywood are employing some kind of random movie pitch generating software….

13th

Open Season

Animated animals with Billy Connely and Ashton Kutcher….will have to really look good for me to suffer this.

Sunshine

Sci-fi from british director Danny Boyle. Spacemen go loopy on mission to the sun. Yes…it does sound familiar.

20th

Barnyard

I’m going to be really sick of animated animals by the end of the year. Can someone please make a kid’s film that doesn’t involve animals? Please?!

27th

Tenacious D

YES! Jack Black’s rock group make their big screen debut. They’re on a quest to find a magical pick that’ll transform them into rock gods. We heard them on the radio a few weeks ago and both turned to each other and said, “Waitaminute…is this Jack Black?” I think we’d watched School of Rock the night before. Jack Black rules. (Apart from in Kong Kong, of course).

November

3rd

The Children Of Men

Sci-fi from Prisoner of Azkaban director Alfonso Cuaron. Should be good.

17th

Casino Royale

Bond is back. Will probably be rubbish. Will have to suffer much “He’s not as sexy as Pierce” comments throughout.

December

15th

Eragon

Dragons are cool. We have the book at home. Must read it….

2007

And on into the next year, I’m getting tired now…is anyone still reading???

Jan

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Yay! The Turtles are coming back to the big screen in glorious CGi. Kevin eastman and Peter Laird are both involve din the project which should ensure that it’s a real treat for old school Turtles fans like me.

Feb

Ghost Rider

Nicolas Cage sets his hair plugs alight in anotyher movie based on a Marvel character. What kind of a world do we live in where we get a Ghost Rider movie before an Iron Man movie? Actually, wasn’t it Tom Cruise’s fauly, ultimately, that the Iron Man movie never happened…another reason to hate him….

May

Spider-Man 3

Spidey’s back! Looks like The Sandman will be putting in an appearance but don’t expect him to be the main villain. They’ve been teasing us with Doc Connors for two movies…will the Lizard finally rear his ugly head in movie three?

Shrek 3

Shrek 2 failed to live up to the first movie, but was huuuuuge at the box office. A third installment was inevitable, but have they run out of ideas?

July

Fantastic Four 2

More Jessica Alba in spandex. You can never get enough. Let the villain speculation begin! Is it too soon for Galactus? I’ve been waiting to see the Silver Surfer on the big screen since T2!

Transformers

Eeep! It’s finally coming! And it looks like it’ll be out in time for my 31st birthday! Can’t….wait….going…to…explode….

1 comment:

Derek Hartley said...

My God, what a list. And some of those films were already on my list of ones-to-watch for this year. And some are brand new additions, thanks to you.
Southland Tales has to be the most intriguing film for the entire year. You just KNOW it's going to be good.
And God only knows what possible plot Tenacious D could have.